Harm you

I've never been hurt this bad
this let down and this low
I've never felt such pain
and thought things so immoral
i feel like a criminal
because of what I'm thinking
I can almost imagine killing
shooting you without even blinking
how cruel of me
how cruel of you
for making me this way
for hurting me mercilessly
and breaking me down

Is my fate decided?
Will I always be a shadow
of the girl I used to be?
Will my smile ever return?
Is the fire as hot as the burn?

Its wicked how you go about
hurting the very people
who care for you the most
taking good girls and
turning them to ghosts

I never wanted to be this way
to hurt this way to feel this way
what a pleasure it must be
to know that you hold the power
to numb me
then make me feel whatever
you'd like
and heal me just to hurt me
and build me just to break me

I was the perfect victim
so vulnerable , so naive
ready to believe you
unconsciously I was just right
the perfect girl to wrong
the lovesick type,
so willing to be loved
so eager to belong

They told me, warned me
tried to make me see
to see the person who you are
the person you were making
me
but I was stubborn
I ignored the signs
I was defending a boy
a boy I thought was mine

My guard was always down
because I trusted you
I trusted you with
everything
everything that once made me
me
then you did it
as I watched defencelessly
tears flowed out of my eyes
right then and there
you bent it
crushed it,
broke it
tore it apart
right in front of me
you broke my fragile
heart

And though you did this
to me
I still love you
I can never have you
though I'll always want you
I can never harm you
though I'll always want to

No where near Perfect

I'm no where near perfect
I've totally missed that road
and gone off track
and if i care enough
to ask someone
anyone how to get
there
how to get to perfect
how to get to right
I've thrown away the map
I'm not ready to reach there
yet
the road trip is exciting
my music is loud
why rush to my destination
if the ride is so much fun?
My thoughts are complicated
my flaws are evident
I love to soak in
each moment
and not count the time spent

my wrong turns lead me
places
mistakes make up this man
fault is fancy
if you own it
and in it take pride
why would i wanna get there?
When I'm enjoying the ride?

Drifting in my sins
letting them drive me
what good is perfection?
when my impairments guide me?
They like me just as I am
Just like this,
I'm me without comparison
I'm me without excuse
and being just like this
feels right
coz as I am
I am just wrong
in the perfect way

I don't regret never
knowing the feeling
of always being right
always fitting in
always first place
first place in everything
I'll never find the way
even if I look
so why bother?
Put the radio on
and stir my way through
life
I'm no where near perfect
so i might as well enjoy the ride

Evidence of Me

There I hide
In the shadows of your mind,
In the dungeons of your soul,
In the forests of your heart
I used to be ubiquitous
Little strands of my hair
Lay once on your clothes,
The smell of me
Was once one of yours
You could find me anywhere
Without the need to search
I was imprinted in your life
Tangled in your mind
Everywhere
Everywhere was a piece of me
My toothbrush stood by yours
My hairbrush near the mirror
My clothes now packed away in your past
Used to lay all around your apartment

I didn’t die
I disappeared
I closed my eyes and didn’t exist
I turn away and off went the bliss
When love goes wrong
That is the end
Then two part
Each holding the other’s heart
That’s what occurred
To you and I
A sigh turned to a cry
Then sadly a goodbye
Now we’re each a distant memory
And where is all the evidence of me?

Toy

I could never own you
Never possess what's
In her hands, what's hers
But I am yours
Unconsciously
Unwillingly
I am yours
I've always been
I belong to you
Like a toy,
A toy you embrace,
play with then
destroy
Simply a little toy
You dangle me around
Leave me hanging in
mid air
You love me when it
suits you
Then leave me on
the shelf
where cobwebs
gather and dust
collects
I sit there waiting
For when you'll
love me next

Mary In The Rain

Mary loved the rain
She loved the songs it made
at the windowsill
she'd hum along
she knew each note
always in tune
drip drop drip drop
she danced as it hit the
ground
and if she wanted to dance
along outside
she'd call for her rain boots
no coat
she never liked the coat
and from the windowsill
i would watch her dance
watch the mud tickle her boots
watch the rain kiss her hair
she never danced around puddles
she loved to splash right in them
and sing along
and dance along
Mary in the rain

The day she left
the rain sang her goodbye
the pitter patter
the drip drip drop
and I watched her from the
windowsill
I waved but she couldn't see me
the umbrella covered her face
drip drip drop drop
and she was gone
and then the rain stopped

I sit sometimes by the windowsill
hoping she'll come about
but neither rain nor Mary
appear
but I wait
looking out,
maybe it'll bring her back
send her back
maybe just maybe
the pitter patter pitter patter
will come along with Mary
Mama says she isn't coming
Maybe its cause of the drought
That's what's keeping her away

I clean her boots
and wipe the window
ready for her return
and then I kneel and
say a prayer
I say a prayer to the Rainmaker
to send the drops of life
so Mary will come about
and dance in them
and sing along
and sing along
I ask for the grayest of
clouds
and the rainiest of rains
cause if with it comes Mary
she'll never leave again.

I'll Love You In the Next

With the little pieces
of my heart that still beat
with the fragment of a smile
with the tiny drop of life in me
I love you
Though I'm beat down
And I'm low
And my spirit is almost free
I love you


Though my flame of life
flickers
And my light is dim
A love for u
ignites in me
It burns
somewhere within
Where the last of my soul
lays

And as i lay here motionless
Almost gone
Beyond this world
the picture of you
near me
gives me the hope
of a girl

The sand in my hour glass
has almost poured the last grain
My days are numbered
My breaths few
but my life was perfect
because of you

When Heaven formed you
it had me in mind
the angels that carved you
were ever so kind!
they made you for me
and I for you
and when they were done
they had a set of Two

Though I never had wealth
or treasures of the world
I had all I ever wanted
and all I'd ever need
in the sweet knowledge
That you loved me

This shall not be goodbye
coz we are bound to meet
and dance closely
together
in eternity
and fall in love
over and over again
in forever

I'll teach my dying
mind
never to forget
how deeply I feel for you
and how u feel for me

If in this life i loved
you
I'll love you in the next

Essential

There is dirt on my palms
Dirt I say
Dirt!
It's on the palm of my palms
And on the dirt of the dirt
On my palms
The murkier the waters
The muddier the hand
As the rice sinks deeper
And deeper
The harvest will come
yes it will come
and my old hoe and boots
will be dirt-less
the specks of dirt upon
my metal will disappear
clean my boots will be
but when the hoe's
job is done
and the boots are mighty clean
then it's the slasher's time
for a bath in the dirt

We like to sing as we dig
Like the bees that sing
before they sting
They salsa around us
and without notice
ouch!
Now there is a sting
on my skin
stung by the buzzing
orchestra
and another
Like naughty children
they don't listen when
you yell,
Go away!
They'll go on
They'll head on
singing in the sun

In the dambo by the creek
is where we work
we work to eat
sometimes we eat as we work
chewing as we dig
we dig
I could dig a grave
I say
The chewing stops
The yelling starts
Dirty fingers point
I could
I say
The singing quits
the starring starts
dirty fingers point!

One day this rice
will be my way out
up to where the cities are lit
and the music plays loud
A grain at a time
I dig as i plan
I'm digging
my escape
my escape from the dirt
my escape to being essential

MY Home

In your arms
Big and strong
I find solace
Yes in your
Masculine embrace
Right in the comfort
Of your firm chest

It’s your warm touch
As you hold me close
In this I find
My peace of mind
Where pleasure
Meets the end of time

When all is wrong
And there’s no sense
In this cold world
I know sorrow will
Cease to exist
Once I’m safely
Tucked in my place
Of bliss
Caved in sweet euphoria

Nostalgia when you are away
Gets the very best of me
Reminiscing of who I’m missing
Satisfied only when you’re in my vision
And
I’m back where I belong
In your arms big and strong

That Night

I wore the dress of fire
As lashes flickered
And fingers lingered
Magnetic bodies on the dance floor
The powerful force of love
You sipped the white whine
Chilled and cold like the dark night
Tuxedo man with the magical moves
With that charming sway
As I was mopped off my stilletoed feet
Scurry scurry
Like our heartbeats
Each dance was our last
Each kiss was our first
Nights have ended before
New days have begun
But you and I are glued in that moment
That night will be forever young

Trust

Trust is not an unbreakable string
It’s a line between u and i
It’s a promise, a promise to try
Sometimes it might just break
When it burdens lie
After a lie
No one is perfect
Not u
Nor i
But that’s trust
Should be coated with care
Hardened by forgiveness
Glued by understanding
And assembled by love