Words

Words my old companions
my missed friends
where have you gone this season?
Surely not the garden where
I sit in sun in search of you
looking at flowers I cannot name
and birds I would rather see in my plate
you aren't there my old friends,
I wander here and there
observing a colony of ants
governance over who has the fate of
the dying bumble bee,
I watch them gather, oh what little people!
And then i look from here
to there
eyes settling then wandering off again
to the rusty fence of my self-made
prison
to the squeaky gate of captivity
but I've seen the world in all coats
and watched the neon lights turn on
and off and followed
of swarm of yellow cabs with my
eyes,
there is nothing for me out there
no words in the crowded streets
poetry isn't waiting in lines
and getting off and on and off
and off metal that makes you
go go go
Words, you aren't there either
you have left the dingy bars empty
and the disco lights dim
My friends you've left the city
so there i sit in a forest of plants
unknown and political insects
wondering if you are among them
lurking in the trail of the tiny slug
voyaging the expanse of my garden
or perhaps you jump with the grasshoppers
who are Tarzan to my uncut grass
making loud noises as they jump from
stem to stem.
My old friends, come to me, I'll
wait day after day still as that honeybee
that watches flowers like hawks
ready to pounce on them
as though they will run off
leaving him like you did me.
Adamantly I wait and wonder
and search and hope
amidst little strangers
for my friends to return.
Words beloved
words missed.

I loved for Myself

I loved for myself,
Me and my aged scars
That still felt like they were on the surface
Me and my drenched hair from too many
Times standing in that rain
Waiting
for this man or that
To finally come back like he’d promised,
This time I loved for me
Me with my box of broken promises
Juxtapose to my jar of dreams unfulfilled,
I loved for the Me stagnant, stuck in the
Mirror looking at the face of misery
Wondering how long it would last this time.
I loved bestially this time,
With all that was left of the me who’d
Made the seat by the phone her bed
Waiting
For this man or that
To finally get around to giving me
some of the love I’d given generously.
This once I loved for myself
For the Me that I once was unwillingly,
The one with a face smeared from good old
Tears.
Me with the heavy heart despite its cracks,
Me with little inside left to keep gravity
From letting me go.
This time I loved for Me.
Me the broken
Me the shattered
Me the dreamless dreamer.
It took all and everything and much more
But this time
I loved for myself.

I found Myself in April

I found myself in April.
owing the world everything and the stars the world.
I had nothing to show for the drenches I put my heart into and the holes I slept in at night.
The wilderness absorbed me, one and all.
I found myself in April
needing something I couldn't have and loving someone who couldn't love me.
There I was relying on little specks of faith
Life dashing right by me.
I found myself
A pile of unreasonable questions aligned at my door
and nothing to hold me to the ground.
Stacks of mail and all the signs of a life I wasn't living.
All traces of me quickly fading
New air not settling.
Funny enough
I found myself exposed in my natural form
emotions had finely caught up with me and there I was
a vague replica of the me I have always been inside.
And the mirror never lies.
the impostor seated in my seat
parading around with my dingy unkempt hair on their
head was in fact a me I had suppressed
A me I found in April.

-Baffled-

What am I?
What am I not?
On vacations on balconies
in the company of wine
and strangers
questions are asked
rapidly
bullets flying one after
the other
People skip particulars
and leave the manners
at the bottom of
the Bordeaux,
without pacing
without pause
they ask the personal
in fluent gibberish,
On these occasions I
tend to stare
like I'm looking out at a foggy
beach.

"who are you?"
Bizarre and both naive,
a question aimed
to baffle me
Of the little I know
Of the little I don't.
I have only ever assumed,
ever gotten but the jest
of who I am.

But of course I am a poet
or maybe I have been,
maybe I lived like one
but was I ever one within?
Is a poet a type of person?
Is a person a type of poet?
Maybe mice write ballads
or honeybees blank verse
who is who?
And what is what?
I can be the proverbial sky
and wake up a baboon
aren't we all connected?
The vino speaks before
my words can reach my
lips
i am never one thing at a time
or in one place in a moment
strangers now with their
mouths wide open
I baffle them unwillingly.

-No Title Yet-

When the moon blooms
throwing heavenly light
on everything and anything
when the night sky arises
and all is well
and all is wonder
canaries safely in their
Egyptian-twigged nests
all lids heavy
and all lights dim
that is when it all starts
there's no one around to watch
the night-sky bloom
no one but me
no one but I
I watch it all behind a
barrier of glass
Patiently as though
seeing is touching
I feel it all
and it changes me
My front row seat
to spectacular
the ballet of the night's
sky
the Moon, our charming
dancer, shifts behind
the curtain of grey clouds
and back again
like a star shinning
and back again
to end the show
I see it all without movement
my mouth agape
my heart between beats
I see it all
and it changes me

Universe

Here I am
Let down by the world again
Asking the Universe to love me
My pillow drowns and my heart explodes
Why don’t you love me?
For you I am never good enough
For me I am never enough
Ever a tiny fraction less
World, world.
Again I am your enemy
Unwillingly I am your enemy
But still I ask you
Still I beg you
To love me
Look at me
My flooded brown eyes
My crumbling soul
Rome, are you as broken as me?
Scars outline the doors of my heart
Then it broke from the weight of the universe
A universe that made me only to forsake me
Faulted and flawed.
Even you, Shadow,
Even you left me
Disappearing as quietly as you came
Of you I have little recollection
Did you feel as unappreciated as I do?
A shadow in a sunless world.

Rainstorms

He held her hand
earthy brown fingers
linking in a twine
of understanding,
The palms of perfect
strangers
but imperfect humans
the common entity
No names
No memories
No knowledge of each
other
yet in the darkness of life
they hold hands

Old

We sat in an antique room
drinking tea from a new old
china set,
everything collected
things bought in their collections
for collection
Archaic paintings called 'Classics'
and music played known as
'Classical'
Everything was oddly old
We sat on refined mahogany
with every piece a tale
and our host an aging man
who was much like what he owned
He chattered and entertained in
his museum home
'Look at this'
'Look at that'
Each from each century
I looked at the owner
more than his obsessions
his greying eyes all to match his
grey suit
And then I think
When time rolls on
who would be there to
refine him?
Polish him?
Treasure him?
And call him a 'Classic'
And every word he utters
dub 'Classical'?

Defrosted Dreams

Store all your sweetest dreams
Si Yes Qui
I'd like to
I'd love to
uproot the fairytale life
I live behind my brown lids
And freeze them in the now
right next to the tub of ice-cream
and the emergency 10
somewhere between last night's
leftovers
and the half-eaten casserole
until night falls
sleep plummets into us
just before sleep drags me down
and pins me to my floral pillow
in my floral-sheeted single
I'd take my block of dreams
sweet dreams
and let them melt into my mind
Si Yes Qui
defrosted dreams.

Floral stains, Cats and Love trains

I am doomed to talking to walls
and felines
collecting what's old and making
it older,
living in a small house
that's draped in floral
every curtain every cloth
suffocated by flowers.
I can almost smell the loneliness
or is that just my future cats?
running around
purring unstoppably
communicating with me when
humans cease to effect me,
music stops to move me
and I'm GRAY.
It's inevitable the way I go about
too late for the love train
Each time I punch my ticket in
and wait in elongated lines
then follow a stream of punctuated
signs
clocks tick and tock
but I am late.
Once again I miss the love
train
And I return to waiting for my
my feline-filled floral-stained
lonely days.

Carousel

Emotion parading around in
the chariot of tears,
invectives thrown back and
forth
like cupid's arrows loose,
wild,
again we are at odds
standing hollow beings
then together
arm in arm
we trample on the love
we built,
the carousel is burnt,
there will be no repetition
this habit of loving and
loathing
ends now,
ends here.

Once More

From time to time
I reoccur
slipping from my
atmospheric home
back to Earth and moments
In turn I return
to life
and all its scattered things
Time did not end with me
the rusty clock ticks on
Everything is different
Everyone is distant
They have all changed
moved on
leaving their footprints
in my graveyard
their fallen tears
have turned to ice
tiny diamonds
on my tomb
They don't know
I am around
they stopped looking
for me
and now the wailing wind
is simply wind
the shadows
are of trees
they never think
they never hope
that that presence is simply
me

Spinning thoughts

Again and again
I am left alone
To a room that is mine
But that is not my own
To the thoughts I own
That are not my own,
When these times come
around
I sit in silence
Un momento
Alone with myself
to be myself alone
I shift and turn and think
si Precisely
Borrowed thoughts
linger in my heavy
brain
Ponderous pondering
under my skull
whimsical mediocrity
pre-thought thoughts
even in my mind I can't
escape from ordinary
the reign of trend
and again in me a
trailblazer is set ablaze
and when i arise from
adopted ideas, fostered
opinions
I once more live in sync
with everyone but myself
I once more belong
and lead the life of
someone else.

The Religion Of Words

Pablo speaks to me at night
ever at my window
whispering in the dark,
stories,
tales that cross seas and
skies
Oh the religion of the
words!
He calls.
I echo.
Poetry, poetry.
Like moonlight
his words seep in,
touching me here
and there
fuelling the dying flames
of inspiration
clearing the clouds that settled
in my eyes
oh the religion of words!
He calls.
I echo.

He loves to tell me secrets
of pasts regretted
and lives wasted
of art that floats
like air
unseen necessities.
“Poeta! Poeta!
Don't be afraid of sweetness”
he murmurs
then goes,
back to the pages
where his spirit
is written
back to
his religion of words,
the scriptures of a
poet.
I return to my pillow
of painted dreams
and another day is born.

The Show of the Night

The curtain of the sky
has come down,
hands applauded
And the stars rest in
their changing rooms,
The show of the night
sold-out in the day
is over!
Sorry mi amor
I went without you
wanting to see it all
up-close
And cast my eyes on
the stellar performance
to see life in the night
from the front role,
from where thought,doubt
and fear cannot find me
And I am no longer in the clasps
of sorrow.

Maybe it will come again
But day alone is not sure
and what of night?
But if Heaven, Hell and
Oblivion do not
collide today
we'll go together
hand in hand
and watch the show of the
night.

La Noche

La noche.
La noche.
Dreams,
no, dreams aren't for the satisfied-
those in love with the real.
those not clinging to the paraphernalia of time,
we believe not in the stillness of thought
but in the beauty of action,
holding, embracing moments
as they come not when it
is their time to leave,
to waltz out into memory
into the subconscious.
Never digging through
the rubble of the past
looking for surviving trinkets of time

La noche
La noche
A sky bejeweled
and under it motion .
Yes locomotive nights
moments fast coming,
fast fading,
you are at fault not enjoy it
not to dance when music plays loud
roaring!
a lion in your ear
you have howled
yourself into a pit
dug by your own hands,
where you waste time
wishing on fairy dust,
hoping to redo, undo, replay
and alter
so you can get a second chance
But time does not favor.
my friend,
Time does not pick sides.
Rise and kiss the real,
love the image not its reflection
embrace the now
and not its shadow.

Kisses Under Peach Trees

Kisses under peach trees
hand in hand
on summer grass,
Time passes swiftly by,
unnoticed.
And day turns into night,
without recognition.
But even as night appears
I can still see the sun in
your eyes,
bursting light in your sockets.
Love.
Simple love is the most
intense,
our mouths too busy
to speak
but our hearts chatter.
Connect.
Entwine.

Thoughts are blocked
And I cross from my
bridge of feeling to
yours.
Swiftly
And then I see you.
I see your hoarded
wishes and your
guarded hopes
And you see mine.
'I love you' is simply
another way to say
I know you more than
I know myself,
more than you know
I know you.
And all I know about you
was told to me by your heart.

I Want To Die A Rose

I want to die a rose
freshly budding from
the ground,
a summer's day
Rosita
with petals
all colours found,
a tall angelic
flower
of beauty and of lush
that sways
and dances
in the wind rush.

I want to die a rose
shimmering in the sunrise,
& one day be uprooted
to grace a lover's hair
& bring colour to her eyes,
my journey will end
in a cherished diary
on a lavender-scented page
with beautiful calligraphy
under me it will say
“Jack gave me this rose
on that sunny day in may”

I Made a Mistake

I made a mistake
a new one,
my latest one,
one to add to my millions
but this one
this special one
wins the golden trophy
and thrushes its flag
on Mistake hill

I made a mistake
even sorry can't defeat
a bouquet of flowers
a bar of chocolate
even a guilty tear
cannot erase,
cannot undo
cannot mitigate

I made a mistake
that will always
belong to me
as the rumours spread
it will be used to define me
see that girl, she's the one,
the one who made that mistake

I made a mistake,
I've made many
and I'll make more
but this one demeans
all made before

The Blue-Gum Tree

The tall blue-gum tree
covers me with a blanket
of lavender
as boughs sway in the wind
and leaves fall on me
I lay there put,
under my natural
duvet,
and then i think
I dare to think
That this is when I'm
at my best
when pea-green caterpillars
climb and nap
upon my chest
when ladybirds dance on
my skin
and butterflies
kiss my shin
the grasshoppers, the hummingbirds,
the candy-scented bees,the leaping
crickets, the humble frogs
all come to say hello
and now I know
that life for me
is best under
the blue-gum tree

What I Am

I am she,
The girl who chases after
her dreams
and leaves doubt in the
dust
The one who knows
true love and never
settles for lust

I am her,
who is strong and knows
her flaws cannot hold her
back
I conquer
I prey,
I attack!

I am she,
The woman who knows
her self
who loves her own
possessions
and envies no one
else

I am her,
who knows her own
worth,
who doesn't take what
I am I given
but takes what I
deserve

I am she,
who uses what her mother
gave her,
the head upon her
shoulders,
and knows that the key
to happiness
is the usage of
my mind

I am her,
who doesn't let anyone
step over me
or pull me down
once I've set my sights
on Heaven
I won't settle for the ground

I am she,
who knows no limits
no boundaries
no bars
for the is nothing
I cannot do
I am the perseverance's
proof

I am her,
who stands up for
my friends,
who protects the ones
I love,
I am more
as well as all the above

I am woman,
I am hope
I am the future
I am the torch-bearer
I am the guide
I am she
I am her
I am I.

Fear from your cocoon

You're afraid of everything
Cocooned in fear you hide
You hide from ever hurting
In your home-made cave
You hide from loving
You hide from hate
and settle for never knowing

You're so frightened by risk
The risk of falling
As you fly to bliss
and so you close yourself
in
and settle for never knowing

You're afraid of ever dreaming,
ever running after
what you believe in
so you engulf yourself in fear
and settle for never knowing

You're scared of falling in love
in case the plummet leaves you
sore
in case there's no one to cushion
your fall
and so you settle for never knowing

You're afraid of promises,
mistakes and taking
chances
You're terrified of
wishing, of risking
and so you hide away
and settle for never knowing

You're horrified of letting
people in
frightened that they might
see your soul
and tear apart your heart
so you settle for never knowing
never knowing what that's
like

You're convinced that
you are safest in your
fake cocoon
but even the stubbornest
of spring flowers
shall one day bloom
and seeping out is
a butterfly
leaving her cocoon
know what life is,
never settle, never assume.

I spit Fire

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
when i speak they all disperse
Like my words burn
Like my words hurt

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
That I fail to hear and see
The heartbreaking monster
My words make me

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
I make more enemies than I do
friends
My words break they never
mend

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
I don't mean to harm, to bruise
I just am not conscious
of the words I use
and unconsciously my words
are like a flaming fuse

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
That I ignite a burning flame
That turns hearts to ash
That makes coal of feelings

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
I do not censor, I don't observe
I do not know to sweeten words
Why beat around bushes
when I can simply burn them?

I'm starting to think that I spit fire
That my honesty makes a demon of
me
That my candour needs a disguise
That people won't choose the truth
Over lies

Gone is Inspiration

A thought!
A blurry thought in my head
and my pen is full of ink
I am dry,
I am sore
I can't channel my soul
before the words of my heart
would seep right through my
fingers
and possess my pen
but now I am blank
I am dry,
I am empty again
I hate the times when
my mind is still
and still I cannot channel
the artistry in me
the flame of inspiration
has died out
I am cold
I am stuck
my brain is paused
why is this so?
Pages beg
to be written on
keys plead for me to type
stories linger within
waiting for me
to give them life
but i cannot
I am frozen
and so are my words
so is the rhythm
the rhyme
the floetry
of my poetry
has flown off into
the sky
and with the birds
go my words
And I am here,
I am dry
Gone is inspiration

Harm you

I've never been hurt this bad
this let down and this low
I've never felt such pain
and thought things so immoral
i feel like a criminal
because of what I'm thinking
I can almost imagine killing
shooting you without even blinking
how cruel of me
how cruel of you
for making me this way
for hurting me mercilessly
and breaking me down

Is my fate decided?
Will I always be a shadow
of the girl I used to be?
Will my smile ever return?
Is the fire as hot as the burn?

Its wicked how you go about
hurting the very people
who care for you the most
taking good girls and
turning them to ghosts

I never wanted to be this way
to hurt this way to feel this way
what a pleasure it must be
to know that you hold the power
to numb me
then make me feel whatever
you'd like
and heal me just to hurt me
and build me just to break me

I was the perfect victim
so vulnerable , so naive
ready to believe you
unconsciously I was just right
the perfect girl to wrong
the lovesick type,
so willing to be loved
so eager to belong

They told me, warned me
tried to make me see
to see the person who you are
the person you were making
me
but I was stubborn
I ignored the signs
I was defending a boy
a boy I thought was mine

My guard was always down
because I trusted you
I trusted you with
everything
everything that once made me
me
then you did it
as I watched defencelessly
tears flowed out of my eyes
right then and there
you bent it
crushed it,
broke it
tore it apart
right in front of me
you broke my fragile
heart

And though you did this
to me
I still love you
I can never have you
though I'll always want you
I can never harm you
though I'll always want to

No where near Perfect

I'm no where near perfect
I've totally missed that road
and gone off track
and if i care enough
to ask someone
anyone how to get
there
how to get to perfect
how to get to right
I've thrown away the map
I'm not ready to reach there
yet
the road trip is exciting
my music is loud
why rush to my destination
if the ride is so much fun?
My thoughts are complicated
my flaws are evident
I love to soak in
each moment
and not count the time spent

my wrong turns lead me
places
mistakes make up this man
fault is fancy
if you own it
and in it take pride
why would i wanna get there?
When I'm enjoying the ride?

Drifting in my sins
letting them drive me
what good is perfection?
when my impairments guide me?
They like me just as I am
Just like this,
I'm me without comparison
I'm me without excuse
and being just like this
feels right
coz as I am
I am just wrong
in the perfect way

I don't regret never
knowing the feeling
of always being right
always fitting in
always first place
first place in everything
I'll never find the way
even if I look
so why bother?
Put the radio on
and stir my way through
life
I'm no where near perfect
so i might as well enjoy the ride

Evidence of Me

There I hide
In the shadows of your mind,
In the dungeons of your soul,
In the forests of your heart
I used to be ubiquitous
Little strands of my hair
Lay once on your clothes,
The smell of me
Was once one of yours
You could find me anywhere
Without the need to search
I was imprinted in your life
Tangled in your mind
Everywhere
Everywhere was a piece of me
My toothbrush stood by yours
My hairbrush near the mirror
My clothes now packed away in your past
Used to lay all around your apartment

I didn’t die
I disappeared
I closed my eyes and didn’t exist
I turn away and off went the bliss
When love goes wrong
That is the end
Then two part
Each holding the other’s heart
That’s what occurred
To you and I
A sigh turned to a cry
Then sadly a goodbye
Now we’re each a distant memory
And where is all the evidence of me?

Toy

I could never own you
Never possess what's
In her hands, what's hers
But I am yours
Unconsciously
Unwillingly
I am yours
I've always been
I belong to you
Like a toy,
A toy you embrace,
play with then
destroy
Simply a little toy
You dangle me around
Leave me hanging in
mid air
You love me when it
suits you
Then leave me on
the shelf
where cobwebs
gather and dust
collects
I sit there waiting
For when you'll
love me next

Mary In The Rain

Mary loved the rain
She loved the songs it made
at the windowsill
she'd hum along
she knew each note
always in tune
drip drop drip drop
she danced as it hit the
ground
and if she wanted to dance
along outside
she'd call for her rain boots
no coat
she never liked the coat
and from the windowsill
i would watch her dance
watch the mud tickle her boots
watch the rain kiss her hair
she never danced around puddles
she loved to splash right in them
and sing along
and dance along
Mary in the rain

The day she left
the rain sang her goodbye
the pitter patter
the drip drip drop
and I watched her from the
windowsill
I waved but she couldn't see me
the umbrella covered her face
drip drip drop drop
and she was gone
and then the rain stopped

I sit sometimes by the windowsill
hoping she'll come about
but neither rain nor Mary
appear
but I wait
looking out,
maybe it'll bring her back
send her back
maybe just maybe
the pitter patter pitter patter
will come along with Mary
Mama says she isn't coming
Maybe its cause of the drought
That's what's keeping her away

I clean her boots
and wipe the window
ready for her return
and then I kneel and
say a prayer
I say a prayer to the Rainmaker
to send the drops of life
so Mary will come about
and dance in them
and sing along
and sing along
I ask for the grayest of
clouds
and the rainiest of rains
cause if with it comes Mary
she'll never leave again.

I'll Love You In the Next

With the little pieces
of my heart that still beat
with the fragment of a smile
with the tiny drop of life in me
I love you
Though I'm beat down
And I'm low
And my spirit is almost free
I love you


Though my flame of life
flickers
And my light is dim
A love for u
ignites in me
It burns
somewhere within
Where the last of my soul
lays

And as i lay here motionless
Almost gone
Beyond this world
the picture of you
near me
gives me the hope
of a girl

The sand in my hour glass
has almost poured the last grain
My days are numbered
My breaths few
but my life was perfect
because of you

When Heaven formed you
it had me in mind
the angels that carved you
were ever so kind!
they made you for me
and I for you
and when they were done
they had a set of Two

Though I never had wealth
or treasures of the world
I had all I ever wanted
and all I'd ever need
in the sweet knowledge
That you loved me

This shall not be goodbye
coz we are bound to meet
and dance closely
together
in eternity
and fall in love
over and over again
in forever

I'll teach my dying
mind
never to forget
how deeply I feel for you
and how u feel for me

If in this life i loved
you
I'll love you in the next

Essential

There is dirt on my palms
Dirt I say
Dirt!
It's on the palm of my palms
And on the dirt of the dirt
On my palms
The murkier the waters
The muddier the hand
As the rice sinks deeper
And deeper
The harvest will come
yes it will come
and my old hoe and boots
will be dirt-less
the specks of dirt upon
my metal will disappear
clean my boots will be
but when the hoe's
job is done
and the boots are mighty clean
then it's the slasher's time
for a bath in the dirt

We like to sing as we dig
Like the bees that sing
before they sting
They salsa around us
and without notice
ouch!
Now there is a sting
on my skin
stung by the buzzing
orchestra
and another
Like naughty children
they don't listen when
you yell,
Go away!
They'll go on
They'll head on
singing in the sun

In the dambo by the creek
is where we work
we work to eat
sometimes we eat as we work
chewing as we dig
we dig
I could dig a grave
I say
The chewing stops
The yelling starts
Dirty fingers point
I could
I say
The singing quits
the starring starts
dirty fingers point!

One day this rice
will be my way out
up to where the cities are lit
and the music plays loud
A grain at a time
I dig as i plan
I'm digging
my escape
my escape from the dirt
my escape to being essential

MY Home

In your arms
Big and strong
I find solace
Yes in your
Masculine embrace
Right in the comfort
Of your firm chest

It’s your warm touch
As you hold me close
In this I find
My peace of mind
Where pleasure
Meets the end of time

When all is wrong
And there’s no sense
In this cold world
I know sorrow will
Cease to exist
Once I’m safely
Tucked in my place
Of bliss
Caved in sweet euphoria

Nostalgia when you are away
Gets the very best of me
Reminiscing of who I’m missing
Satisfied only when you’re in my vision
And
I’m back where I belong
In your arms big and strong

That Night

I wore the dress of fire
As lashes flickered
And fingers lingered
Magnetic bodies on the dance floor
The powerful force of love
You sipped the white whine
Chilled and cold like the dark night
Tuxedo man with the magical moves
With that charming sway
As I was mopped off my stilletoed feet
Scurry scurry
Like our heartbeats
Each dance was our last
Each kiss was our first
Nights have ended before
New days have begun
But you and I are glued in that moment
That night will be forever young

Trust

Trust is not an unbreakable string
It’s a line between u and i
It’s a promise, a promise to try
Sometimes it might just break
When it burdens lie
After a lie
No one is perfect
Not u
Nor i
But that’s trust
Should be coated with care
Hardened by forgiveness
Glued by understanding
And assembled by love