I found Myself in April

I found myself in April.
owing the world everything and the stars the world.
I had nothing to show for the drenches I put my heart into and the holes I slept in at night.
The wilderness absorbed me, one and all.
I found myself in April
needing something I couldn't have and loving someone who couldn't love me.
There I was relying on little specks of faith
Life dashing right by me.
I found myself
A pile of unreasonable questions aligned at my door
and nothing to hold me to the ground.
Stacks of mail and all the signs of a life I wasn't living.
All traces of me quickly fading
New air not settling.
Funny enough
I found myself exposed in my natural form
emotions had finely caught up with me and there I was
a vague replica of the me I have always been inside.
And the mirror never lies.
the impostor seated in my seat
parading around with my dingy unkempt hair on their
head was in fact a me I had suppressed
A me I found in April.